Kids or No Kids?

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I talked to one therapist in left-coast California who specializes in helping women decide whether they want to become mothers. She said a potential client canceled her spot in a class right after the election. But none of these factors make sense when you look at a place such as Sweden or Denmark , where women are empowered, they have generous maternity leave and progressive men named Bjorn who wear Baby Bjorns. Their birthrates are declining, too. For the first time in human history, women truly have them.

An earlier version of this column misstated the amount of U.

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Can Americans ditch guns the way we ditched cigarettes? Four broken men, six discarded racehorses, one place saving them. Local Perspective Perspective Interpretation of the news based on evidence, including data, as well as anticipating how events might unfold based on past events. Going childfree has even been labelled a trend by some experts in , and according to Ellen Walker for Psychology Today , there are several reasons for this shift.

She adds others believe children will interfere with career advancements, while some find more fulfillment nurturing animals like dogs. For Letitia Chan and Stefan Lamy of Toronto, the decision to not have children was made four years into their relationship. If you want children, you have to both want them per cent, or else it can deeply affect your relationship.

We really cherish each other and value our happiness between the two of us. Letitia Chan and Stefan Lamy. No one chooses to not have kids without giving some thought to the decision.

“I could go either way”

There are some who are still struggling with the question. And for women, being childfree can somehow be interpreted as not fulfilling their role as a woman. And on this 21st evening in February we were pondering the pain that inevitably awaited us in furnishing the rest of the house. Why, we asked ourselves, were we really doing all this to begin with?

With abrupt clarity, we realized how we'd been basically living out the typical life pattern for a married couple. OK, but was that something that we truly wanted? Because the next logical step would be children, and that meant locking ourselves into another common pattern for a very long time.

In the end, looking again at the emptiness around us, we really had to admit that neither of us really wanted children and couldn't think of any good reason to have some of our own. The house, in fact, was really only there to accommodate my desire for a grand piano, as told in Chapter 15 of Mystic Microsoft.

People without kids are happier?

Here's how that whole conversation progressed as I recorded it the next day with some editing for clarification:. Having a child means empowering another soul to exercise its own free will. You cannot expect to control it, and after its first short period of dependency you must begin teaching it to be a free-minded adult as you are yourself. And with that in mind, what do you expect to thus accomplish with this new free-minded adult that you cannot already accomplish yourself? Since you are already in the position that you'd wish for your child, why not exercise that freedom right now?

Why have a child in the hope that it will someday act freely in your place? There is also the gamble in having children that they will be a someone you like, b normal, c responsive to the love and education you give them. You cannot control these things. Therefore in bringing a new life into the world you are doing nothing more than that: Every thought of satisfying one's own unfulfilled desires through one's children is sheer delusion. What about accomplishment and feeling proud and having key experiences? You can do this through children, surely, but children aren't the only means.

The difference is that as a childless adult you must put effort into creative acts, learning, and new accomplishments. If you have children, the course of their life is rather predetermined: On the other hand, not having children requires that you make those special events happen yourself, and that takes a lot of creative work that many people are probably not willing to do or don't believe themselves capable of doing.

And maybe it's just a matter of paying attention. A child isn't necessary for these types of experiences; the experiences with a child and without are just different.

Are Childfree Couples are Happier than Couples with Kids?

Even the mystery of life, which is so much in your reality with a human child, can be explored through plants and animals; it just takes focused effort instead of the automatic sense of what comes as a parent. If you want to touch babies, then there are many places to do that without having your own. If you want to do something with other children, there are many opportunities to have those experiences when and where you want them, not because you have to have them for your own. I thought about how much I enjoyed certain experiences I was given as a child.

However, that is no reason to have a child in the first place, because as an adult I can continue to give myself more experiences, and potentially give experiences to many other people and not just my own children. I can do this—I have the power to do so and I understand that I can do so. If, for some other reason you do have a child, then you damn well should give them special experiences. Even so, much of this depends on the idea that a parent is home most of the time with children, especially in the first five years. That means generally that someone has to be making consistent money in order to pay the bills and offer a reasonable guarantee on the child's health care.

So at least one parent will be locked into a job, and maybe both. How much time do they then have left over for a self-improvement and b raising the child?

Fact or Fiction: Childfree Couples Are Happier than Couples with Kids | Psychology Today

How much time does even a stay-at-home parent have in the same capacity? When do they foster their own relationships with others and even themselves? Indeed, having a child would seem to be at least in some way an exercise in sacrifice and self-neglect. If that can be kept in check, and the parents strive to maintain some freedoms to explore and grow, then they would be setting a good example for a future free-minded adult. But if parents enslave themselves in the process of providing for their children, I have my doubts about the value of that example.

If parents make no other contributions to the world other than having raised children that are essentially like themselves, then nothing much has changed, has it? With such thoughts dancing around the question of our own futures, we firmly decided at the time that children were not going to be part of our futures for at least as long as we could see. But now here's the critical difference: As romantic as this may sound, let's be honest: This may seem a harsh judgment, but its certainly worth thinking about.

Read This If You’re Not Sure You Want Kids

What, indeed, is more rewarding? Spending one's days watching TV, watching movies, playing video games, and following the endlessly trivial tweets of some famous personage, or watching a child grow? Having experienced both, I can say without hesitation that the rewards of watching a child develop is orders of magnitude above passive entertainment, contrived amusements, and any form of gossip.