Stay or Go: Loving or Leaving Someone with PTSD (Healing for Life Book 3)

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I was out on perimeter security for so long in the pitch black I started imagining things that weren't there. I got home and became physically ill. And the nightmares started, insomnia, anger, anxiety and depression. I did not trust anyone. My family suffered because I didn't know how to relate how I was feeling.

Some days I could not go out to go to work. After over 20 years my wife gave me a choice: She was the only one working and that made life hard on her. I did get diagnosed with ptsd, went to Texas rep to apply for compensation and he told me "yes, you went to war but you did not get a combat infantry badge, so sorry about your luck but it is not going to happen.

Life for me and my family has been horrible. Maybe I will get lucky and die and the nightmares of the hell we have been through will be over!! Thanks for nothing America. I am no better off than I was before I asked for help: I want to Thank You Sir for your service and for protecting us from harm Sir. Sounds like you need to just find a nice beautiful warm place to live away from all worries and stress. I hate that you guys have to go through this crap.

Please be good to yourself. Ask God to guide you and protect you.. I know things are hard but if I were in your shoes I would move where there is nature or move where there is ocean and beauty. Went to Vietnam October while I was over there in January of 68 I got knocked out for one more round I assumed it was a concussion one person died head blown off the other person eardrums gone and I got thrown into a B crater. Had a headache for over a month all the corpsman would do for me was give me Darvin.

For my headache since I was in combat after that till I left in 68 October off and on I would have startle response heart palpitations didn't know what it was when I was getting my physical to get out I told the physician I was giving me my out physical about how I felt what was going on and you wanted to keep me in the Marine Corps until they figured it out I begged him know please let me get out and he agreed.

Put on my medical records palpitations and see the VA if it continues so I got out a temper was pretty bad my marriage wasn't working out too good never hit my wife or anything and I have one daughter. So after 6 months could get a job I decided to go into the army went to Germany I was still having the anxiety which I didn't know that's what it was called and palpitation rapid heartbeat startle response and very anxious at times. Just a lot of heroin addicts and drunks that was about it 10 months later I came home stay in the Army for 2 more years got out but all the time while I was in the army every once in awhile I would get these really bad panic attack which they said was anxiety and I was scared a lot don't know why.

Then I got out of the military got a job with the Marine Corps at MCRD San Diego and things were gradually getting worse as far as my panic attacks uncontrolled anxiety and I didn't know what to do the first doctor I saw about it said I would have the Vietnam syndrome I told him he was full of shit I didn't care about Vietnam and had to be something else.

He told me to go to the VA and seek treatment I refused and got another doctor this was Kaiser Hospital and he told me the same thing all they asked me was have you been to Vietnam yes but that is not the problem. So I finally got another doctor and they started treating me of course they're giving me every drug in the world so I could psychotropic which made it even worse eventually I had to retire for a short. So they sent me home finally which didn't help my marriage out much now remember I never used illegal drugs and I did not drink I'm still that way I don't drink I've never used illegal drugs even marijuana.

But my problem never left me I try to deal with it I wanted to kill myself few times I really wish I had because it drives me crazy every day I have to take a little Valium and few other medications not bad though. Well years of gone by now I've been divorced again I'm friends with my ex wives believe it or not and I love all my kids I have 5 my daughter is a first lieutenant in the Marines I don't know why she joined. And my other two sons are professionals police officer and fireman. I'm going through something now it's kind of strange. I'm sure some people have been treated the VA will understand this.

With all my trouble have anxiety PTSD whatever you want to call it and I also have a social worker my son called me up in November of to help him on the roof of the house for splicing a cable in I went over there I did it and I fell 10 feet thought I was ok but decided to go to the VA and have them look at me they did and get over this and not go into detail about the whole thing they said I had two cracked ribs actually I had 12 broken scapula Nemo hemothorax and I was dying this was 10 days later after they said there was nothing wrong with me I was putting on my daughter's rank in Quantico and I felt like I was dying went to the hospital I said I was but they wouldn't let that happen and they cut me open and drain my lungs out cc's of blood and then I had all these tubes coming out of me and I had to come home back to California from Virginia.

So I got a lawyer if I filed a claim and they sell it in the hospital while I was there I was having flashbacks which I didn't have for a long time I've ever really bad might have been the morphine I don't know. Anyways Got Back i7 with the VA then they did it to me again gave me the wrong medication didn't matter to me and I crashed into 7 cars all due to the medication they gave me all they say is I'm sorry and I'm going to file another claim against them but I'm not going to go there anymore I'll be really stupid to do that.

But the whole reason I'm writing this out is they took my driver's license away which is understandable the police didn't know if I had a stroke or anything like that but when I was in Vietnam on my first part of this message I'm writing I told you I had a concussion up sometime well now they give me an MRI because of the accident because my doctor was not going to sign off on me until I had an MRI and a few other test to see if I was alright.

To the October, writer. I had similar thing happen to me in same area of country. I'm sorry the police sided with the abuser in your case and hope you have no contact with the abuser at all. Once I had my protection dog in the house I could actually sleep better and that has helped me think more clearly each day and learn new techniques for managing PTSD. Get a protection dog, he always has your back! I was beaten, kicked in my forehead, kicked in my ribs and finally he tried grabbing me off the ground by my head, shaking it to the point i felt my brain move.

The saddest part is the San Diego Police sided with my abuser which only added to the pain. I was never offered medical attention even though the police were told of the beating i endured. Its been over 2 years but I only seem to be getting worse. I wake up and wish i was somewhere else or times i try and pretend im in a safer time in life.

Having traumatic brain injury is hard enough but the unique situation I went through with the police has made me cringe when i see them now. The thing no one understands is THEY did that to me by the way they mishandled it yet im wrong for feeling how I do. I also suffer from flashbacks in the shower as the same guy assaulted me there. PTSD is so hard to have but im so grateful for articles etc so I can learn about what im going through. God bless us all My daughter has PTSD after being repeatedly sexually assaulted by another girl twice her age over at least a 7 month period. She was 7 years old.

Your comments about the police ring true with me. No one wanted to prosecute a year-old girl. To make matters worse, her grandmother my in-law sided with the other girl and continued a relationship with her, meaning she couldn't really have a relationship with her own granddaughter. My daughter was diagnosed with PTSD almost immediately and it's still struggle for her now at She has trouble focusing in schools whenever there is a stressor like a fire drill or worse, the lock down drills for school shootings.

She's had to change teachers when one liked to slam a golf club on his desk to wake the students up. It just makes her cry. Anyway, she feels like you do, that had the police done more, had someone proved they would protect her and punish the bad guy, then it would have been easier. That the comfort of knowing the system worked would have helped.

I wish I had more words of comfort or support. My daughter has been in and out of therapy for years.


  1. Diplomatic Missions (1498-1527).
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It does help some, but some things like the nightmares, fear of the dark, and overactive startle response just don't go away. She hangs in there and I hope you will too. My 30 yr brother served 8 yrs and has been out for 4 yrs. He was diagnosed with PTSD at the lowest percentage. He told me the counselor was even hesitant on diagnosing him with PTSD. He is married with children and holds down a full time job.

He and his wife attack my mom verbally if she doesn't send them money. So he gets angry and will ignore her calls, and then he and his wife blamed it on his PTSD. He recently verbally attacked my 19 yr old daughter saying she needs to tell him to his face if she doesn't want to speak to him and his wife.

She doesn't want to speak to him because he had an outburst about her not having time between college and work to drop off a car seat to his wife. Once again he and his wife said it was due to PTSD. I have now offered to help them in anyway I can. I'll meet with his counselor if he has one, anything. His response it's to late he doesn't need our family's help. His wife's, she has her vet wives support and doesn't need his family to help.


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  • I'd like to hear from those who have dealt with PTSD. Should I walk away or force help. Is it wrong for me to feel he and his wife use PTSD to act out. If I'm wrong I'm will to take the backlash. I just want to do what's right for my brother. My brother has been out of the marines going on four years after serving 4 years. He was diagnosed with a low percentage of PTSD about a year ago. He told me they were even hesitant on even diagnosing him with PTSD.

    He has a wife, children, and holds down a full time job. Honestly, I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this whole thing, and would like some input. Even if it is just backlash. My brother and his wife tend to get mad at us for not always doing what they want. If my mother won't send them money he lashes out and they both blame it on PTSD. He has recently verbally attacked my daughter for not finding time between college and work to drop a carseat to his wife. Now I did jump in on that one and asked why his wife couldn't pick it up.

    Again, we weren't being sensitive to his PTSD. I have now reached out and said I'll help him. I said I'll visit with his counselor if he has one. His response is he doesn't need my help. His wife's, she has her vet wives and doesn't need help from his family. I would like to hear from those who has dealt with people with low percentage PTSD.

    I'm opening to any comments even the backlash, lol. I served in Vietnam 68, 69 and I cannot recollect any of the bases I was at. I had to contact a friend and he sent me an email of bases on my tours of Southeast Asia. The only memory that haunts me day and night is incoming mm rockets. One was so close it knocked me out. When I woke up I visualize a duce and a half truck on fire and flight line something on fire. My post was a bunker, sandbags surrounding me were thrown out. My m and m were not in my bunker. Lucky yes, all I remember was the impact of the rocket.

    There was never a report, never went to infirmary, never got checked out. Day and night I constantly hear the impact of mm rocket. Tinnitus disability, otisis externa fungus was told by infirmary, but no record on that available. My records from to lost, told they were retired. I enlisted, no questions when it came for duties in the United States, no questions asked when it came time to do my job or duties in Vietnam.

    I signed an oath, but an oath to be treated this way?

    PTSD Fact Sheet: Frequently Asked Questions

    My country ordered me to perform my duties, and now I have asked for my questions to be answered. For one who has been in Vietnam in a combat zone and in combat it never leaves. Why would I lie? How can I make up such a story? Where is the help from Veterans Affairs? If this veteran has turned every possible of evidence why don't they believe me? I did not cause actions in Vietnam. My body is mine my brain sends messages and that is how I know something is wrong with me. I was once owned by the military and was called a soldier, but now I am called by last four of my social security number or my claim number.

    No, Veterans Affairs has not kept their promises for x soldiers as I. I'm 25 years old I have night terrors as early as I can remember. I wake up every day burning with rage and I feel like I want to cry. My mother was still is a drunk, my sister a drug addict who's been playing with death for years now. I've watched my friends be gunned down. I've lost family and friends due to a very cold world. I was neglected and abused and left to fend for myself. I have 2 little girls now and I don't know what to do.. I get mad when there nothing to get mad about.

    I feel like there nothing I can do and I cant control my rage. I see people bullying others i snap I'll wake and go to the bathroom and I see myself in the mirror and I'm filled with rage. Please all I want is to go through life and enjoy it. I want my girls to understand life doesn't have to be bad. At age 33 I feel like I'm 50, the 14 years served were filed with continuous preparation and serving in war time conflicts; these have made my life extremely difficult. I live life day by day and most are difficult. I take over 6 medications per day and sleep an average of 12 hours per week, which has completely inhabited my ability to keep meaningful relationships with both friends and family.

    Most days include nightmares, frequent migraines, and fatigue, which have made simple daily tasks extremely difficult to accomplish. I love serving my country, but have also realized that they do not serve me in return. Unfortunately, I have been medically retired after 14 years of active service due to medical conditions aggravated by service. I can not receive my retirement pay while receiving VA disability compensation, this not only makes my life more difficult, but poses a problem with the future recruitment of willing Americans to serve our country, if our country does not appropriately accommodate military veterans who were willing to sacrifice their lives in order to support and defend the constitution of the United States against all enemies both foreign and domestic, why would they gave up their lives for this country.

    Why give non American citizen benefits? Why give everyone an education? Why give food stamps or additional aid, but take benefits from those who have given their lives or sanity for the sake of defending our country? Everyone should serve 2 years in the military to get a better understanding of our nations true values of honor, courage, and commitment. A higher education should be earned, so why do poverty level citizens have the means to attend higher education for free, while I risk my life to earn mine? Cutting funding should not start nor end with the compensation of our protectors, this should be a non negotiable item.

    Have you walked in the shoes of a service member? Have you taken a life to save a buddy or get to the next mission? Have you went without a shower for 6 months and came back home after war and felt that you no longer fit in? The reality is that I left to serve my county and never fully came back. I haven't been the same! The negative side effects of war aren't going away, but I would not change a thing.

    I am a patriot! The greater good is worth my sacrifice! America the free world continues to exist, because of our service members; without them it will not continue. I have been blown up, shot, and have lost meaningful relationships. I have received many honors to include a purple heart and a bronze star for my actions.

    I would do it again if asked without question! I only ask for our government to back the people who have given up the things that they have in order to protect our great country; rich, middle, and upper classes Americans. Without us you would no longer exist! Hi all I have written a booklet to try and reach out and share my experience regarding being married to an ex soldier with PTSD it is on Amazon titled Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Married to a soldier by R L Nicholson please have a read as it may be helpful.

    Take care R L Nicholson. I am the wife of an afghan vet who I met post service and married and we have two beautiful children. My husband is crippled with this illness and I completely understand were you are at. My best advice is to hang in there. It is hard I know but appreciate the time you have and understand if he didn't help others he may suffer more and then you may have more time with him but you would really be losing him mentally.

    I hope my message is clear it is hard when typing. Please continue to love and respect your honorable man for the duty he continues to do. If you were not strong enough to pick up the rest of the things that need to be done you would not be in his life or him in yours. Be thankful he is an upstanding man and be proud to be strong enough to be the one he counts on because whether he says it or not you would be his rock! Please feel free to check it out and I hope maybe some of my words have encouraged you Take care my thoughts and wishes are with you both.

    Department of Veterans Affairs. How common is PTSD? Here are some facts based on the U. About 8 million adults have PTSD during a given year. This is only a small portion of those who have gone through a trauma. Learn more about women, trauma and PTSD. What are the symptoms of PTSD?

    Will people with PTSD get better? What treatments are available for PTSD? Trauma-focused psychotherapy, which focuses on the memory of the traumatic event or its meaning, is the most effective treatment for PTSD. There are different types of trauma-focused psychotherapy, such as: Cognitive Processing Therapy CPT where you learn skills to understand how trauma changed your thoughts and feelings.

    Changing how you think about the trauma can change how you feel.

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    Prolonged Exposure PE where you talk about your trauma repeatedly until memories are no longer upsetting. This will help you get more control over your thoughts and feelings about the trauma. You also go to places or do things that are safe, but that you have been staying away from because they remind you of the trauma. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing EMDR , which involves focusing on sounds or hand movements while you talk about the trauma.

    This helps your brain work through the traumatic memories. If you are in an immediate crisis, please go to your nearest Emergency Room or call The National Center for PTSD does not provide direct clinical care but does offer links and information to help you locate mental health services in your area.

    How do I do that? Hey, Very strange to me to write this. I hope this helps Brother. Shout out at me on this forum if I can help answer any questions. Brother, I also was part of the W. We also got the old Green Weenie because once we got back to our home units, that stayed behind and I even caught two NCOs, staff sergeants, E-6 rank, trying to convince the new 1st sergeant to let them stay behind. I made sure that everyone within ear shot and beyond knew what cowards they were. To add insult to injury non of the officers would help us when we got back.

    It seems that you and I have walked on and down the same roads. Please don't give up, I to fell that all the shi gets handed to me. These are all ways in which other people protect themselves from thinking about gruesome or horrifying events. And it is hard to talk about such things. A traumatic event can put you into a trance-like state which makes the situation seem unreal or bewildering.

    All the effective psychotherapies for PTSD focus on the traumatic experience — or experiences - rather than your past life. You cannot change or forget what has happened. You can learn to think differently about it, about the world, and about your life. You need to be able to remember what happened, as fully as possible, without being overwhelmed by fear and distress. These therapies help you to put your experiences into words.

    Seeking True & Healthy Love After Narcissistic Abuse - Interview with Ross Rosenberg

    By remembering the event, going over it and making sense of it, your mind can do its normal job of storing the memories away, and moving on to other things. All these treatments should all be given by PTSD specialists. The sessions should be at least weekly, with the same therapist, for weeks. Although sessions will usually last around an hour, they can sometimes last up to 90 minutes. CBT can help you change these 'extreme' ways of thinking, which can also help you to feel better and to behave differently.

    This is a technique which uses eye movements to help the brain to process flashbacks and to make sense of the traumatic experience. It may sound odd, but it has been shown to work. This involves meeting with a group of other people who have been through the same, or a similar traumatic event.

    It can be easier to talk about what happened if you are with other people who have been through a similar experience. They will need to be prescribed by a doctor. This type of medication should not make you sleepy, although they all have some side-effects in some people. They may also produce unpleasant symptoms if stopped too quickly, so the dose should usually be reduced gradually. If they are helpful, you should carry on taking them for around 12 months. Soon after starting an antidepressant, some people may find that they feel more:. Occasionally, if someone is so distressed that they cannot sleep or think clearly, anxiety-reducing medication may be necessary.

    These tablets should usually not be prescribed for more than 10 days or so. These include physiotherapy and osteopathy, but also complementary therapies such as massage, acupuncture, reflexology, yoga, meditation and tai chi. There is not enough information for us to show that one of these treatments is better than another. There is not yet any evidence that other forms of psychotherapy or counselling are helpful for PTSD.

    Trauma affects a child's development - the earlier the trauma, the more harm it does. Some children cope by being defensive or aggressive. Others cut themselves off from what is going on around them, and grow up with a sense of shame and guilt rather than feeling confident and good about themselves. Adults who have been abused or tortured over a period of time develop a similar sense of separation from others, and a lack of trust in the world and other people.

    Try to start doing the normal things of life that have nothing to do with your past experiences of trauma. This could include finding friends, getting a job, doing regular exercise, learning relaxation techniques, developing a hobby or having pets. This helps you slowly to trust the world around you. Lack of trust in other people — and the world in general — is central to complex PTSD. The work will often happen in 3 stages:. Other psychotherapies, including psychodynamic psychotherapy, can also be helpful.

    Care needs to be taken in complex PTSD because these treatments can make the situation worse if not used properly. You become able to use your skills or learn new ones, and to make satisfying relationships in the real world.

    Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) | Royal College of Psychiatrists

    Medication can be used if you feel too distressed or unsafe, or if psychotherapy is not possible. It can include both antidepressants and antipsychotic medication — but not usually tranquillisers or sleeping tablets. This site uses cookies: Find out more Okay, thanks. Buy this leaflet Print this page Share this page facebook twitter linkedin. Disclaimer This webpage provides information, not advice. What is complex PTSD?

    People who have repeatedly experienced: How does PTSD start? When does PTSD start? What does PTSD feel like? As well as these understandable emotional reactions, there are three main types of symptoms: Being 'on guard' You find that you stay alert all the time, as if you are looking out for danger. Other symptoms muscle aches and pains diarrhoea irregular heartbeats headaches feelings of panic and fear depression drinking too much alcohol using drugs including painkillers. Why are traumatic events so shocking?

    They undermine our sense that life is fair, that it is reasonably safe and that we are secure. Their assumptions and beliefs that the world is safe and fair, that other people are basically good, and that "it won't happen to me," may be shattered by the experience.

    After the event, these people often see danger everywhere and become "tuned in" to threat. As a consequence, they may become jumpy, on edge, and feel constantly on guard. They may be overly alert or watchful and have problems concentrating. Disturbed sleep is very common. Anger is often a central feature in PTSD , with sufferers feeling irritable and prone to angry outbursts with themselves, others around them, and the world in general.

    Many Veterans feel let down, abandoned, and judged by others. They may have a sense of betrayal about the way they were treated by a range of people upon their return home. Some people express their anger verbally and others become physically aggressive and violent to property or people. These symptoms can cause major problems at work and with family and friends. As indicated in the previous section, a person with PTSD will have symptoms that will affect the whole family.

    The ability of the affected person to function as a parent, partner, employee and community member is undermined by these symptoms. Changes in their functioning can lead to unmet family needs and increased levels of stress for the family. You and other family members may find it difficult to adjust to these changes and to communicate or discuss family problems together.

    You may feel frustrated, hurt, angry, rejected, and become distant toward each other which could lead to feelings of guilt and self-blame. As a result, relationships within the immediate and extended family can be seriously strained and involvement in work, social and community activities will likely become restricted.

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    Here are some real life examples of how an affected person's role in the family can change:. For example, when they had a lot of their toys and belongings lying around, he used to make a game of it and help them clean up. Now he is short with them and orders them around. They come to me for help and comfort. Sometimes I feel like I have an extra kid around the house that I need to look after. I noticed a difference, our families noticed a difference and our friends noticed a difference. Affected families also report a variety of other impacts on their lives as a result of the symptoms of the affected person.

    You may recognize some of these impacts happening in your situation. Take note of the things that apply to you and think about how you could put into practice the suggested actions. As a result of the symptoms of the affected parent and the increased parental stress of coping with them, your ability as parents to meet your child's needs may also be impacted.

    What follows is a way of thinking of your child's basic needs in a structured fashion. As you read through each one, ask yourself if there are examples in your family when the child's needs are being affected. Make a list of these examples and talk about them with your partner. Evaluate if action is needed by noting how often similar things happen and how your child reacts.

    If action is needed, make a plan to change the situation. Check the ideas that follow in the "What Can You Do? No family is perfect. Celebrate the things you have been able to achieve despite the stress and disruption in your family life. Also, remember that children can be quite resilient and adaptable to change and that they feel most secure when it is clear to them that Mom and Dad are "in charge," that you talk and work together to solve daily problems.

    Parents play the lead role in meeting their child's needs and helping children manage stress in their lives by providing a supportive physical and emotional environment.