The spell of the tunnel vision: If the reply does not allow searching for mourning

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Just trying to get through day by day in hope that it will get better after time. He was the best Dad he could be to us, my rock, suddenly gone and he was healthy and fit. I am really hoping that I can get through this, feeling like I cannot remember his voice.

I have been given some books to read about life at the other side and to learn what signs to look for which could be my Dad. I am so saddened by your story Mallory.. My story is similar to yours as my dad passed very suddenly. Of course losing a parent at any age is difficult to say the least but at such a young age it affects you that much more. But without him… it is extremely difficult. My dad and I were best friends.

Since I was very young we would go cruising in his truck and we would share stories and laugh… a very special relationship we shared for My dad always protected me from my bio-Dad. I could always turn to him whenever for whatever I needed! And in the last few years of his life..

I was his primary care-giver whether he thought he needed one or not!! I was there for him everyday whether he needed an ear or a shoulder I was there for him! Having such a strong bond with someone hurts immensely but it is that strong bond you shared that will allow you to feel him around you, supporting you along the way… watching and guiding you along.

I know you said you wish you could dream of your father… I have had a few dreams… some good some horrific to wake up from… but he is there and a message is sent along the way. If your unable to dream of him yet, it will come. During the day, when things get tough breathe deep to release anxiety from your belly.. Thank you so much for this sharing. I have been truly gifted to have my father for 59 years but it is still too little. I too am unable to dream about him. My mother who was married to him for 60 years dreams of him every night but I never have.

Somedays are harder than others but I find myself so angry at him for leaving without saying goodbye…. It was special when he died staring into her eyes with all of us around him. My mother still feels guilty as she didnt realise how sick he was, I dont think he did either. I am so pleased I am not alone in the feelings I have, its hard to keep them to myself so thank you all for your stories. Mallory I can sooooo relate to this. I lost my dad, tomorrow will be a month. Mine too died suddenly at the young age of I have had complete out loud wailings everyday and each day I beg for a sign or dream, anything to feel he is still with me.

I pray you find your sign of comfort soon. My dad passed a couple of months ago and I cry everyday. I feel so alone and lost. I am only 30 years old and I feel we had so much more to do together. My dad is my world he was all I had and I really dont know what to do. I have been depressed for months and the anger and pain in my heart wont go away. I never saw this coming we were just on the phone and two days laters I find you dead on the floor.

He had just went to the doctor and was doing fine , he was about to start back going to the YMCA again. Even after all these months it doesnt feel real. I feel cheated , mad ,sad and heart broken all the time. My dad meant everything to me I loved him more than life its self. I try to pray and go to church, but when I get there I get angry and cry. Me and my dad are two peas in a pod we understand each other and took care of each other.

I want to see him and talk to him. I just wait on him to come back to me or give me a sign something. I just want my dad and i dont know what to do and nobody understands how I feel my heart , soul and spirit is broken. I recently lost my dad and I too wish he would let me know that he is ok and in a better place.

I cannot comprehend how I will never hug him again or speak to him again so I try to comfort myself that the rainbows and stars are him and that he is saying that he is ok. It does not always work but sometimes it is better than nothing. It will be three months tomorrow and it feels like forever, yet I can remember the day he died as if it was yesterday.

I still feel that one day he will be home, even though I know this is not true, I cannot bear the thought of him never ever being there. I can only hope that one day I will meet him again and that he remains safe until then. I came across this while looking for quotes about fathers and daughters. August 28th will be 6 years since my dad passed suddenly when i was My father was my life. So far i can say it never gets easy, but its gets easier, with a lot of awfu, times a long the way.

A friend said to me the day of his funeral, there will always be a ho,e in your heart, but over time you will start to build a fence around it through living the great and happy life he wanted for you. I still hurts that he is not here everyday, but you will learn how to deal, then how to be the person and do the things he knew you could. Hey dana im going through the same thing my dad died suddenly as well. I cry everyday and ask hom to come back to me.

I never though he would leave me right now he is my everything I love him more than life itself. He is not just my dad he is my best friend. The pain and hurt I feel is so unbearable. I just want a sign of some sort an angel or something. I feel that I dont want to be in this world without him. Why would god take my person he was all I had.

I know that is not right to feel like that and it may be selfish. I know im no better than anyone else but this is not right. Every day will be different. Time heals all wounds. I lost my prescious daddy at 27 years. He was my hero, my idol, just the ultimate in my eyes a true warrior. Each day has its ups and downs. What I do know both your dad and my dad would both want us to do, regardless of time; is to live rich happy full lives.

That means living each day to its fullest no matter what is thrown our way. I so know your pain. I want you to know there is laughter in the tears and smiles within the sorrow. Mallory, I know just how you are feeling. It is like a wound that just wont heal!

I lost my Dad unexpectedly on May 20th he passed away in his sleep and I was the one who found him. My Dad and I were extremely close I seen him everyday and picked him up 3 to 4 times a week for breakfast and shopping. The night before he passed away he called me to say good night for a second time which I will never forget, it is like he almost knew something??

A month prior to his passing I had a dream of my mother who was killed by a drunk driver on May 21 in all the years that my Mom has been gone I never had a dream where I could see her face, I could hear her in my dreams but she was always walking away and waving?? On April 19th I had a dream that she was sitting on a beautiful bench,she had on a white halter dress that was blowing in the wind and there was just a big beautiful tree with all fall colored leaves on it and leaves scattered all over the ground and she had the most glorious smile and was young.

The next day I told my Dad about the dream it brought tears to his eyes. I believe percent my Mom was letting me know that he was going home to her after 30 years, almost to the day of him suffering everyday without her he never remarried or even dated after losing her and he was only 42! I pray you get the signs you so very much need and I am sure in time you will,The day my Dad was called home half of me left with him, I am so very lost in this crazy world without him…….

I can relate to you Mallory and Patty on the sudden passing of your Fathers. Daddy had gotten a clean bill of health from his doctor one week before he suddenly fell dead in the yard on August 10, Daddy was at my house for dinner on Sunday and I was at his house on Wednesday. I noticed in my rear view mirror that he watched me out of sight that day and it made me feel really good. He was just so joyful when I talked to him on Thursday. I send a helium ballon to Heaven for every holiday to my Mom.

On Thursday morning, there was a blue helium balloon in the shape of a star in my yard and it was there on Thursday afternoon when I got home too. I stood in the door and watched as cars passed, the balloon floated up and down the street and always ended back in my yard. My grandson even mentioned it when he went out the door on Friday morning. Mom was trying to tell me she was coming to get Daddy. I can still remember the words of my sister when she called to say Daddy collapsed and EMS are trying to bring him around.

It has been a year and I still think of him daily, I cry a lot and I go to the cemetery a lot and talk to them both. The night after his funeral, My daughter and I were sitting on my bed crying and suddenly the lamp went out. My aunt shared that one of her lamps went out shortly thereafter and she had to turn it back on. That is confirmation for me…but I want more. I am 29 and I lost my father June 7, five days before my undergrad graduation in a horrible accident and I as well hope he did not suffer.

I just thought I would share my story because reading yours made me feel slightly better knowing that I am not alone in this at this age, this year and under similar circumstances. I truly understand what you went and still going through. Trust me, I know how it feels. I was 26 when he died. I love my father more than this life and he was my best friend. After my father passed away, whenever I thought of him, all I could see is him lying in the hospital bed, only just recently I began to have good memories of him when he was strong and healthy.

May Allah bless and exalt our fathers in Jannah. I can understand what you are going through. Hi Donna, I just lost my dear dad. He had dementia so we do not even know if he knew we were there the last week of his life. The lose is unbearable at any age under any circumstance. I hope you will get the sign you need to make sure your dad is happy. For me, I know he is better since he had such a horrible illness. The disease ate up his mind and eventually his body. Even I lost my dad 2 months back and am 28 now. I still do feel most of the times if he could come back. He died of heart attack.

Leaving me alone with my mother. Though I have a family of my own my husband and daughther of 10 months. The morning he died I dreamt of his passing and I truly believe that he came to me to let me know of his passing. I hope you find comfort to help you get through your grieving process, be kind to yourself , allow yourself to heal. My dad just died on Tuesday in a similar way. I have a hole in me so deep i feel I can never recover. My mom found him on the floor on his stomach with his head up against the wall and his neck broke.

She had only left for 30 minutes. My sons birthday is this weekend and they were going to make ice cream together. I am on a roller coaster of emotion. Any time I talk to someone I break down. Reading on some of these web sites helps comfort me some. I will never be the same….. I lost my dad on May 6, and i was 10, Evan now more that ever every thought bring me back to him and i start crying like a two year old. Your comment really hit me. I lost my grandpa 3 years ago March when I was 16 years old. My grandparents raised me from a very young age and my grandpa was always my dad figure.

I helped my grandma his wife grieve from the time of his death. Everything reminds me of hiIm. I lost my papa this morning It is so hard for me. I am living in Australia. I wont be able to be with my family during the wake. Though i went home to see papa when he was still in the ICU.

It was my third time seeing him this year. My papa is in the coffin now, with his new clothes and he looks really good, as my mom said. Anyhow, i dont know how i will be able to cope. I have been crying since i found out about the news. I lost interest on anything at the moment. Everytime i think of him, i started crying.

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I miss my papa. I wont be able to see him again. My holiday will not be the same anymore without him. I go home to see my family once a year and spend my whole time with them. I love my papa so much. This pain is just too real and not anyone can understand untill n unless they have gone through the same tragedy …. I cant love anyone in my life more then i loved him … he was my life he was my eevrything … i was very attached to him but God took him away ….

I can never delete his memories even though if i wana to live in peace… i lost him i lost myself…. I saw your comment and my father passed away I know who you feel today the 25th of April is the died and it has been 3 years I was only 9 years old. I feel like you. It is on Amazon kindle eBook. I am going through exactly the same thing. I remember him when I am purposefully thinking about him and then there are those moments when I see or hear something that makes me remember him. The tribute to Glen Campbell at the Grammy Awards the other night is an example.

My father loved Glen Campbell, and could remember him whistling to the songs when Glen Campbell sang. I went to bed crying myself to sleep that night. She is stronger today because of that. Today she turns 80! It makes us feel vulnerable the minute we start thinking about it. It is as if it would bring an end to everything, like an edge to the familiar beyond which lies only darkness and nothingness. But when loss actually hits you suddenly feel blank. Sometimes at a moment like this you lose your ability to act.

You see nothing around you and you have no idea where you are headed. Everything crashes into nothingness. The worst question I think any person can ask themselves in a moment like this is what now? The concept of a future becomes so alien and scary. But when the days go by the dark slowly begins to lift and you see some faint light that helps you understand your surroundings.

You start coping with the new reality of this empty hole you feel in your chest. You just learn to live with it. I can still hear him talking to me, hugging me, and feel him with me. We walked everyday together for over 5 years, miss that. I think -I will always miss it. Words cannot express what we went thru together and yet after all that hardship I just want him back.

He would not want me to live the rest of my life on purgatory. He loved me and loved life, I need to cherish his memory but move on with my adventure remembering that he is in me, part of my every decision, and what he taught me is precious. I miss him so much. I sent you a message to the email address you submitted with your comment. Hi Nadia, My father is terminally ill and will be placed on sedatives by hospice tomorrow.

I cant wrap my brain around the fact that I cant hear his voice anymore. The other day I was frantic just searching through old videos and voice mails trying to hold onto something from him. I came across an old photograph with his handwriting on the back. I t was profound for me. He had a stroke 2 year sago, and slowly we have lost him. So I have grieved all this time although he was alive. But the finality of it coming up is killing me. I will cry for him forever. Thank you for your blog. Today I revisited your blog and I know why! I was curious about how you were getting on since I last read your post about the headscarf!

And the reason I am curious is not because I know you, or because your decision would have mattered, but because I am genuinely interested in how you were getting on with your search. I always used to say that we tend to take things for granted until we are slapped on the face to suddenly wake up. Hence I understand your following post about how to find God. And I can only tell u a few things that you might find helpful: We all feel content and happy with our routine practices thoughtlessly until something dazzles us and puts these practices to the test.

It may be a conflict, a major event, death, divorce or any kind of trauma. It is only then that we strive for change, for another purpose or a way out. And that either brings us closer or further away from God, it all depends on our own human nature and how we grief or deal with things. Some people are liberated when they forget about anything and do as they please, others can only feel at peace when they do what they feel is sensible. But I can tell u this: In fact He always brought people from amongst us to teach and guide. And the books that you may not understand are not meant to torture us or make things difficult, it is rather meant to be a proof in itself that it is beyond the human capability.

He sent the message that would prove Him to us, and sent people along to guide us messengers. As Maurice Bucaille described: Then maybe that is the whole point behind the sophistication… 4. Remember by logic, if God is there He would want to tell people, all people, one correct message! He would not want to confuse people, or send contradicting messages or wrong information. So if there is one God there must be one message! You will be amazed about the resemblance between the basics of most faiths, And it will become clearer what to accept and what to decline.

If you tgen find the right path, that you will be able to accept the most as your guide. But the worst thing above all this is i never had the chance to see him for the very last time because i was working here Abroad. I love him so much though i never had the chance to tell him how very important he is in my life. I a 59 years old and I lost my father last month. I am still in shock. Though intellectually, I had expected this for a while now emotionally I was just not ready for it.

My father was a wonderful man who lived a full life. I am so sad at times but at others I am full of smiles when I think about him. Having seven siblings and my mother still there helps because we all talk a lot. My parents celebrated their 60th anniversary in December so it is very hard on my mother as well but she is very brave. I wish they could have lived forever. Before this I too thought that is was just a normal part of life. But even at 60, I need my daddy.

I lost my Dad almost a year ago. It seems like a dream still, all very misty. The pain inside is unreal. I was so close to him, he was my rock! I know all people grieve differently but I need to talk. My father was diagnosed two months ago with pancreatic cancer and the Oncologist told us we would be lucky if we were looking at 10 to 12 months- that was two months ago. He has always been just a little over two hundred pounds and in the past two months he has lost 51 pounds so now he is pounds which is lighter than me- his daughter.

My parents just did a vow renewal and he cried like crazy and of course that broke my heart too but it was very special and something my mother will have to hold onto forever. I have no idea what my mother is going to do without him and I am so worried about her too. He is only 67 years old and has always taken care of his body and this is so completely unfair that something like this could happen to him of all people.

I find myself crying at the most inappropriate times- at work, the grocery store, you name it- I cry! Anyone have any good advice on how to help me please let me know, I am coming unraveled on the inside and often on the outside too. I have brothers and sisters who are not even offering to help with anything. Thank you so much for sharing. We all deal with things differently.

We all find different ways to be able to function in our own everyday lives despite the intense pain we go through. I can understand your pain. He was getting old, he was ill, he was foreseeing his own imminent death. Kim, this is a very difficult time for all of you, especially for your father. Allow yourself to deal with it the way you need to deal with it. Allow your other family members deal the way they need to deal as well. My heart is with you, with your father, and with your family during this difficult time.

Kim, My heart goes out to you. Everyone deals differently with grief, some more constructively than others. The thing is sometimes the thought of death is so overwhelming that we might deny it all together and pretend that everything is fine. It is not being heartless, it is not being able to cope. But you need support.

Here is a review of that book that I found at http: I have learned that everyone deals with life cycle events in their own way. I learned that I had to focus on what I was doing and how I was doing it, instead of wasting my energy on how others were acting. It sounds like your relationship with your dad was very special and I can relate. I found peace knowing that my father would soon give up a body that was no longer serving him. It hurt just as much to see how hard it was for him to get though an hour, no less a day. Selfishly I too wanted him to live forever. Almost 9 years later, he lives within me in so many ways — be it sharing one of his jokes, one of his unique sayings, or opening a door for an elderly or disabled person, something I would do anyway but it puts more of a smile on my face as I remember my dad — could barely walk but there he was using his cane to hold a car door open for someone.

My life is so much richer because of my dad. Please try to enjoy the time you have with him because when you focus on what others are doing or not doing as the case may be, you are giving them free rent in your mind. It was a calming feeling for me to know, as my parents started to get older, that if something happened I knew I had said everything I wanted to and with my dad — it was good that I did. We cannot prepare for tomorrow — we can guess how it feels but honestly, you cannot prepare for how you will feel when you lose someone so very important to you.

Be gentle with you — allow yourself to give love and be loved. I hope I am not too late. My heart goes out to you. Hi There, I have gone through what you are going through now,its very very tough. Well… I am crying Like a baby right now… My dad passed 1 year ago and i can tell you i cry a lot… I am just 26 and want to die as soon as possible just to be with him, i dont Like my world with out him near to me, i love him more than i love anything, and even though i have had happy moments in this last year… How? God is hugging me, literally! Ask HIM exactly that, and you will survive better.

One thing you should know is: And… even if you are not a God believer, just for curiousity, ask Him for the Hug i told you and then see What happends. Well this kind of things dont happen every time i want a sign from my dad of course, but when they do, i feel so Happy and thank God for let it be!

Even if for now they are invisible for our current terrenal eyes. Thank you for sharing! I have received signs from my father too. I am happy to hear of yours. Hello Francesca, I really relate to your post I am My dad died 23 days ago at the young age of I have been struggling,hence why I am searching the internet for comfort. I often feel like I could just die and I would be so happy to see my dad again. I yearn for his hug, voice, comfort, smell, singing and much more everyday. I am getting scared that it will be over a month soon because I never went longer then a month w out seeing him.

I have been recently having dreams about him. The first 3 were nightmares like he was suffering. My husband and I prayed that those nightmares would stop and the following night I had a dream about him again but it was pleasant. The dream was pretty intense and I feel had a ton of messages but I am no physiologist.

He visited me the night he died and the 2nd night after his death. I think he comes to me through the radio sometimes playing specific songs or puts songs in my head for me in the morning. But also sometimes those just are not enough and I cannot be consoled. You are not alone. It will be two years on Monday May 12th for me. The whole is still there. I think about not wanting to be here…my life is hard. I want to be with him and all the others I love. I miss him, his encouraging words, the connection with someone that truley knew me. I guess it never goes away you just have to learn how to live with it!

I lost my dad 3 years ago he was a healthy vibrant 58 year old man on his way home from work when someone ran a red light and hit him placing him in a coma for 5 days in which he was declared brain dead.. It feels like yesterday that I received that call, the call, the images of him in the hospital bed, in his coufin as they removed him from the hospital in a body bag can never be shaken from my head..

My father was my best friend and although I was 35 when he died I was still his little girl.. There is not a second of the day that I do not think of him. I try to think happy thoughts and remember the good times, but it all leads back to that horrible night. I feel terrible for him, he had so many good years left.. I wonder did he know what was happening, I wonder could he hear me at his bedside.. Time does not heal all wounds things just become more familiar.. It just really hurts and the truth is your life will never ever be the same.. I am happy and proud to have had such a great dad and he does live in me everyday..

Reading your comment was like reading my story.. He used to take care of him self very meticulously, he used to exercise, had a low fat diet, drink veggie juices daily, he was the. Sweetest man I have ever met, honest, generous and kind.. His biggest dream was to see his grandkids grow and get old with my mom whom he deeply loved and respect all of his life, my mom of course is broken in pieces, he was the love of her life, her man, her lover, her life… The only advice I can give you is to tell him that you love him as much as you can, it helps a lot when you gave everything to gaht loved one and you have no regrets, kiss him, hug him…now that you can..

My dad passed on Good Friday of this year. I am so heart broken. I pain comes rarely but very heavily. I cry to the point of exhaustion and then I feel numb. The day after we buried dad my brother, his family and my mom all went to his cottage. I was made painfully aware that I was not invited.

I feel alienated and alone. Why would they do this? I feel like I have lost the only person in the world who truly loved me as me. A year ago today, I lost my father. I am 29 years old. When will this feeling go away? I understand the feeling of not being excited about future events. Not that anyone but you will necessarily notice. However, in the world we live in, that remains easier to say than do.

I have a suspicion that society, in its heart of hearts, despises depressives because it knows they have a point: There is a secret feeling most people enjoy that everything, at a fundamental level, is basically OK. Depressives suffer the withdrawal of that feeling, and it is frightening not only to experience but to witness. In a goal-driven, work-oriented culture, this is deeply threatening. This viewpoint can have a paralysing grip on depressives, sometimes to a psychotic extent — but perhaps it haunts everyone.

And therefore the bulk of the unafflicted population may never really understand depression. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 Hotlines in other countries can be found here. Mental health Health comment. Order by newest oldest recommendations. Show 25 25 50 All. Threads collapsed expanded unthreaded. My daughter tries and gets me to go with my grandchildren to events but its not the same- I just feel bad because my wife is missing these times she came up here to have- she lived for the time to be with the grandkids and she was robbed of it all in only 2 months after diagnosis she was gone!

I came here to retire and live the good life and all I did was come up to bury her along with all our hopes and dreams. I have now lost my past-present and future! I am 64 she was only 62 and now its all gone! Why not- you already took my life-now take it all-please. When I see morning sunlight it just awakens the pain all over again. But again all your points here hit the spot!

I hear the hope in your words. I once was in your shoes. It takes a long time to work thru the healing process but it is worth it. Just keep going thru the motions, try to make the best of the day, see the beauty in being alive somehow. I know it sounds weird but it is the only way thru this.

I felt like I was walking 2 feet off the ground for the first 2 years and then I came back to earth…I didnt know it at the time but I do now…and now even though I still grieve my loss I am in control of my grief. I know what I am dealing with. Please try to keep going for your dear loved one. She only wants you to go foreward and enjoy all that life has to give.

She is watching from above. All the Best, Gary! Many of us seem to be in the same boat. Who ever thought it would come to this. I yelled at some family members during the days after my husband died. He lingered for twelve agonizing days in ICU before passing away on the operating table. Not even a phone call to see how I was doing. I guess they will probably wait until hell freezes over!

I learned some important things from this situation, however — family cannot always be counted on to be there for you in your darkest hour! And some family members are pitifully weak, selfish and ignorant when it comes to death and grieving! They have no children, so I wonder, who will be there for them? I had two wonderful sons who made my grief much more bearable — but who will be there for these so-called family members of mine? I lost my mother three weeks ago to lung cancer she was I honestly feel I did most of my grieving whilst she was going downhill over the summer.

Love to you all. My father passed 10 years ago, and looking back as I get older I realize just how difficult it was to process. I had a complicated relationship with dad, and when he passed suddenly it deeply affected me. In the months following his passing, I wrote a song expressing the very feelings I had and complex grief I was enduring. I decided not too long ago to actually go in studio and get it professionally recorded.

My mother and father have both passed in the last three and a half years. My mother suffered with kidney,heart, and pain everywhere for 10 years. She became unconscious, on a ventilator and life support. They say the hearing is the last to go. I told her I would be alright because it was time for her to go to heaven and she had been sick long enough and that I lovedher and what a great human being she had been. I did not have to have them pull the plug. I think she was trying to hang on forme.

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After they pulled the ventilator she had a slight smile on her face. I cried and rejoiced because she is in heaven. How do I know this.? They had to take it and she hemoridged. My dad was in the waiting room not knowing any thing was wrong. He was not mental. He saw a vision on the wall of my mother in a white gown walking up a dirt road. He saw the pearly gates and Saint Petey.

Me and our 4 kids need her. The doctor came out soon after and told my dad they pulled me out with forecepts and all her veins collapsed.

64 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Grief

Another Dr came down the hall and said the biggest vein is in her foot and saved her. With my dad he had cancer. He got his final wave of energy and thought he was being healed. I didn,t have the heart to tell him this is part of dieting so I never got to say goodbye. Although I told my mother to tell him when she was dying. She was finalising the estate of her mum who died last November — she died the day she was due to fly home.

Her burial was incredibly rapid — she died in the Monday and I was at her funeral on the Thursday. There is no rule book for grief and mourning- but a lot of the stuff on this list is right. So many people gave me advice — alot of it was because they wanted to help. I wish someone had told me that people would rather avoid you than comfort you, and that most of your tears are shed alone. My GF died 8 weeks ago and it is by far the worst period of my life. Everything, everyplace reminds me of her. After 5 years of marriage I discovered that the man I love so much started acting funny and suddenly changed his password that he has been using over the years now and always keeping his phone to himself.

He is always on calls and getting his phone off him is like trying to take a bone from a hungry dog. I told my best friend about it and she told me about a particular hacker. This has been wonderful to read. I lost my rock, strength, my everything my husband on August 4, We have two wonderful boys. I try and not see me cry all the time.

But they have been my rocks through a lot. Grief really changes you. He was 49 and it was sudden and out of the blue. I have to keep reliving that day, because I keep thinking he is going to show up. It is a living nightmare everyday. Crying yourself to sleep every night, and waking up crying!!!! It was very sudden, being a car accident. Anyway, the knowing that you will never get to talk ever again ever.

Knowing he will never come home and walk through the door ever aha is terrible. I have now started grieving for the next two closest people to me — my mom and my husband — even though there is not a single thing wrong with them, save for bad genetics. I have realized that anxiety is simply an impatient version of grief waiting for its cue to enter — and it is perpetually waiting in the wings for me. Usually at the same time. As an atheist with no children, I truly fear for what will become of me when the last two that I love the most are gone.

What do I do with me? I have no faith to hold me here. No children to be obligated to care for. The last two people keeping me tethered to this world will likely die before me. I am certain I will not be able to find joy without them here. I will only be a burden to anyone who is left. My mom just passed away almost 2 weeks ago. She was 57 and battled stage 4 metastatic melanoma for 9 years. Little did I know this was the last text my mom was going to send me. Crying in fact DOES come in waves and completely out of nowhere.

I cried when I told her my goodbyes in the hospital, I cried when everyone said their goodbyes to her. I cried at the viewing and funeral, very little. Now i catch myself crying very little and very randomly over the smallest things. I lost my mom on All my other siblings had the time to say their goodbyes and have their conversations but my niece and I were on duty.

What does depression feel like? Trust me – you really don’t want to know

I made myself take a few moments alone to say my goodbyes but the other thing no one tells you is that the person you are caring for may become angry with their caregivers. Mom did and that could not be the furthest from who she was normally. I had been her primary care giver for her 6 year cancer battle, and it was an honor to be by her side.

Though the last 2 weeks were different brutal really. I relive that final 24 hours more than anyone knows. Not sure I will ever be able to let those go. Oh… Hospice… who knew how little help or guidance you really get from them. I sure as heck did not. Family feuds— from what i know now are not uncommon but lord are they unnecessary and horrible.

I lost my beloved husband. It comes out of no where. She found out May 10 four days after her birthday that she had pancreatic cancer that had spread to her liver. We were counting on chemo but she died the week she was supposed to start treatment. She took a major turn for the worse mainly because of acute liver failure and lived for only six more days after going to the hospital. I talked to her a lot and made her as comfortable as possible while she could still tell me what she needed. Not being able to talk back and forth with her was particularly sad because we had wonderful, heartwarming conversations over the years.

Like the loved ones dirty socks still lying in their bedroom floor or whenever you see their favorite candy. The biggest surprise for me was the physical aches and pain. The physical sickness I feel from grieving. It like the flu almost. But last much longer. My mother has only been gone 2 months but the waves keep pounding me. Sometimes, without even realizing it, you not only mourn the loss of a person, but you mourn the loss of a life you thought you were going to have. My mom died a few months ago. We were very close even though we had a difficult relationship.

My whole body aches. I recently lost my husband of 10 years. He died of hypertension just 2 days in hospital. He died 15 June ,I am still in shock. He left me I was 9 months pregnant and was due the following week he died. I could not do body viewing and I did not go to bury him. I have recently been blessed with a baby boy and I have 2 beautiful girls. T have lost my dad but death seem to be new. I have all the feelings and emotions you can think of,my world is upside down. This is also a very good post which I really enjoyed reading.

It is not every day that I have the possibility to see something like this.. With havin so much content do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright infringement? Do you know any methods to help prevent content from being stolen? I definitely love reading everything that is written on your site.

Keep the tips coming. I wish I had known how physical grief could be. I thought I had some kind of disease until I figured out it was literally the weight of the grief I was carrying. No one really understands how deeply we hurt for our loved ones, it makes you realize how alone you truly are.

I watch her videos almost every day, I touch her on the screen, wanting to feel her soft skin and warm breathe on my face, her smell….. She passed on March 19, , I held her in my arms on the way to the hospital and kissed her and told her I how much she meant to me and to our other family members, she brought them up, she nutured them and helped to make them whole. I told her that if she cannot breathe I will breathe for her.

She is mine and I am hers and that will be forever. Such a great list. I really appreciate with this. I will must share it to others and also to my facebook page. Thanks fo rthe sharing such a informative article. I lost my brother in law, Chance, more of a big brother less than a month ago. We were very close. I never knew I was going to feel crazy when Chance died. I tune out the world and hear songs and his voice so clear like he is sitting right next to me.

I still send him messages telling him about my day and how his daughter is doing. I miss him and I will love him forever. I do wish I would have let him stay in my house where he would have been safe guilt. I told a close friend that I intended to create a page on instagram directed to other males that very close to their mothers. Itreally a great and useful piece of info. I am satisfied that you shared this useful info with us. Please stay us up to date like this. The dream always finds a way to rear its ugly head and you grieve it all over again.

In 17 years, through guilt of being alive, I have systematically lost everything my beautiful husband and I worked so hard for, that I now have nothing. I ruined my relationship with my beautiful girls, and I am still so very lost. I wish my doctor had visited me after my husband died… or someone had put me somewhere for my own protection from myself, until I could cope. I still cry everyday with grief for jom. I lost my son on June 24, I was devastated to say the least. That scared me because at that time I was doing good just to breathe.

So maybe people should be careful on advice to a person who is in the beginning stages of grief. I was afraid that if I was never going to get better then I may have to be placed in an institution. I know now logically what people meant but at that time I was not thinking logically. One day at a time and I manage to get out of bed, work and function. Just hold off on advice the first days afterwards. I lost my absent dad a few months ago. So when he died suddently I just feel like the restablishment of contact came too late, when things were just getting better he left this world.

It feels like a cruel ending. She was very functional and we had a loving life. We had both acknowledged that I would outlive her, so should have been prepared? No, sudden unexpected death of even a terminally ill person hurts terribly; maybe more so in the fact that we knew the end was nearer than we would have liked. People may mean well, but this is about YOU and what you need right now.

It sounds like his toothbrush is important to leave where it is, so leave it, my dear. These responses really are as bad as we think they are. Let me assure you that there is nothing wrong with you at all, Dawn. Please find ways via the internet or other, to be with people who can support you, and listen instead of telling you what to do xxoo. I am so sad for you that you believe you can do nothing about whatever wrongs you feel you may have done. I believe that you can do so, and I believe your wife already knows how much you love her, and the great sorrow you bear.

John, have you heard anything about continuing bonds? While this is a problem, it also suggests a solution, as you can seek resolution through working to make amends to her, just as you would have in life. He passed away suddenly at 53 and since then, I feel completely lost. He is the first thing I remember when I wake up, and the last thing before I fall asleep. I was crying all night and then I found this site accidentally. But I think the only thing that gets better with time is your emotional control in front of others. It still hurts so badly and you miss that person so much.

English is not my first language, but I hope you will understand me and some could maybe find yourselves in my words and feelings. Suddenly losing a beloved has not only the grief but the shock too. Losing my mom was an ongoing affair…years of sliding down the path of dementia. Outbursts, and her struggles to stay in control, could be intense, sometimes with her striking out.

But there were times of exquisite sweetness; I slept with her several times, to keep her safe when my father was away. It always made her smile and the energy in our hearts would glow. I sang her Sufi chants several nights a week, while she was in bed at the nursing home in her finally year, readying for sleep. These memories of loving more then, have sustained me in her loss.

She is Always with me! For some of us, writing thank you notes and letters after a death and funeral or memorial event is part of the healing process. I wanted everyone to know how very much I and our son appreciated their caring thoughts and deeds. It is not always a cruel thing as stated in this list and is an incredibly personal decision whether to write them or not. As I read through these posts, my heart is broken for each one of you.

Our grief is so individual and so real. My fiance, the love of my life, my soulmate passed away suddenly on March 22nd. Like so many of you, we had so many beautiful memories and so many plans for the future. I find myself pretending to be okay. I go out to dinner with friends. I pretend that I am happy.

I, too, have experienced this. I cling to the people who are there and who do their best to the best of their ability. So now I sit and I wait and I fear for the future. I know that I will never have another, I know that I will never love the way I loved this man. My heart is broken. They do not know. How can one be strong when half of her heart is missing, one of her lungs is gone, half of her soul and spirit are gone… And the other half that remains is so deeply wounded. I do agree with all of the ideas you have presented in your post.

They are really convincing and will certainly work. Still, the posts are too short for newbies. Could you please extend them a bit from next time? Thanks for the post. She was not diagnosed until weeks before she died. Im a ONLY child and Her 2nd husband passed in of a stoke and we did not know.

We thuoght it was just a flu since he had flu like symptoms. We missed the arm not being able to lift up. Im not even a Christian anymore and this person just keeps on saying this stuff and it does not help me. No it does not. I miss my mom everyday. Sometimes my days ate good.

Mothers Day im with a friend and mother. And ppl expect you to be all gine and happy like nothing ever happened. May be if that person lost their brst friend and mother abd was her catetaker of 2 lsst years…. I lost the love of my life on January 26, he had turned 55 on Jan The dearest kindest man I have ever known. I was married to a Monster for twenty years then alone for 13 years before finally agreeing to date him hesitation being my strong suit.

I had four years , one and and half married to the best man anywhere before god took him home. I am so thankful for the people I grew up with it Oregon who truely understand. I feel changed, older, and have missed her since the moment my dad called to tell me. But it still feels unfair and too soon.

I want to talk to my friends about it, and I do to some extent, but the harder stuff.. I buried my best friend, soulmate, and husband of 28 years on March 5, He died two blocks from my worksite in a horrible car crash, coming to pick me up from work. He was only I was not allowed to see his body until the funeral service; the funeral director and my father said there was too much damage, I would regret seeing him like that.

My brother had the car towed away, our brand new sports car, and I never saw it. My dad and brother said it would be too traumatic. And everyone around me is pushing me to pack up his things. I cried for hours after having to wash the glass he left on his nightstand because it was growing mold. Has anyone else gotten angry at platitudes well-meaning people spout? I visit the cemetery every day, and my brother told me I needed to stop doing that. Nobody understands the depths of my grief; he was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

Will anything be right ever again? I wish someone had told me I would feel like a puzzle piece in the wrong puzzle. I also wish someone had warned me of this whole new culture of widowhood. Some wives act weird when I speak to to both wife and husband. I am thankful for this post and appreciate all of the comments. They have helped me! I lost my Dad on 28 April I know he had been really ill but he seemed to be defying all medical people and just kept going.

The next couple of weeks went by in a blur. When I finally got there I then became mediator between sisters and our mother who divorced Dad in I was always really close to Dad while my sister was closer to Mum I know they have always spent a lot of time together and I assume they still do. I still miss Dad every day even though when he was alive we could go for weeks without speaking at least he was there at the end of a phone. I wish it was still that simple. My Mum had died at 32 with kidney disease…i was 9, my sister 2 and brother I became Mum…4 years later , living in a troubled N.

We were rehoused about 3 miles away and I knew no one, Dad , bless him spent all his time working to keep us.. I wish that you could report spam comments. I enjoyed reading this list! Thank you for your time and effort you put into this! Its something I have never experienced in my life before and certainly a life changing experience.

My Mother died four months ago now and I miss her so terribly. Although she was old and her death was inevitable, the loss and grief goes deep into the core of ones soul. We just had the funeral for Daddy 1 week ago a Saturday- Feb 24 He was barely I am the oldest of the 3 children- My dad died unexpectedly while in the shower- he had a Tonic Clonic seizure. Among some other pieces of advice I will mention: I was at my DDS when my grandma called and told me. I was just about to get work done and letting novacain set in.

I was all alone, feeling judged and hyperventilating. I had to have my husband come get me. So then I had to start the planning of the funeral. I pretty much stayed awake from that Tuesday night til I crashed that Saturday evening. My Dad was my BBF. The first man who loved me, and adored me. We were so close that we would talk on the phone for hours times a week and constantly fb message. He ended up receiving over guests. He was much loved. He was a knockout-rockout musician of many instruments and sang better than any country singer, maybe only rivaling Garth Brooks.

And he could rock the house, impressing the most bitter critic doing Skynyrd lead vocals and electric guitar. Have barely cried since the funeral. But I know the thunder is rolling and the storm is due very soon. God bless each and every one of you. My husband died two years ago, it was his 38th bday.

Young people are growing ever more depressed. Is modern life to blame? | Jean Hannah Edelstein

It was ruptured brain anuerysm, i only had 9 hours with him at the hospital. I was just 29 back then. Two years later, hid clothes are still hanging by the closet, his bathroom toiletries are at pur cabinet, some of his things are still neatly packed just they way that he had left it. But most days are just too painful, i would talked to him inside the car and would visit his grave everyday. It feels like i will never ever stopped grieving, its like i always end up on the day that he died. I lost my husband on He came in to my life 15 years ago after the trauma of an emotionally abusive first marriage and the subsequent parental alienation of my son towards me, fueled by lies and deceit.

My second husband gave me love, comfort, and helped me renew my trust in others and rebuild my self-esteem. He had a stroke in bed next to me at 9: My grief counselor has become the most important person in my life. I feel lost and untethered. I have functional days and very very bad days. My brother passed away in November of Sometimes I feel like I cannot think anymore…I wish I could talk to someone about how I feel but find it hard.

I lost almost all of my family members after my mom passed. I have very few people left in my life. People I thought would be there with me and for me walked away. I feel like I am a different person now because of my grief. Every day is a struggle. This list helped me realize that its ok to be the new me and that some days are going to be awful and that is also ok. My son had gotten a girlfriend at 14 and I remember my disappointment and the lectures about unprotected sex and how having children at an early age can halt your dreams.

I actually woke with gratitude in my heart and on my lips. My heart and my stomach hurt so badly for weeks, and my only wish was to go be with him, in spite of having 4 more beautiful, deeply loved children. I do believe I will get on with life, and that there is more joy to be had. God bless us all who love — and who grieve — so deeply. The Lord is close to the broken hearted. You should add to the list the fact that it is common for all of your friends and family to ignore you when you are grieving, expect you to get over it soon, and will never be there for you.

Seriously, the silence is so much more painful than the loss. God this is the truth. Do not be surprised if in the period before, and for a while after, the death you find yourself saying and doing things which are very unusual for you and which you later regret. This is your sub- conscious going haywire whilst it tries to adjust to the new circumstances in which it finds itself. It is not you.

Eventually you will return to something like normal but it will be a new normal. You will truly be a different person — kinder, gentler, warmer and more understanding with other people.